Audio: Nirvana Pay to Play Live @ Motor Sports International Garage, Seattle (featuring Dan Peters drummer of Mudhoney) 22 September 1990

A lot of people are calling for a new business model for the payment of music. They complain about the high cost of albums on iTunes and in record stores.

They want to be able to listen to anything and everything on Spotify even if that means their favourite band will not earn enough to buy one large box of cereal. They want to be able to gorge themselves on the music others have lovingly produced quickly and easily and be blissfully happy in the process.

Today I introduce to you a new music payment model to appease the masses. It is not the free-for-all download matrix that is currently envisaged by the throngs of music loving downloaders. It is a compromise for both the musician AND the listener.

Welcome to the Muffins for Music Payment Model!

Yes, that’s right you will be able to pay for your favourite songs in muffins! Muffins you can bake in the comfort of your own home and kindly distribute back to the artist as a reward of thanks and encouragement.

For those of you time poor listeners you can order muffins from your local bakery or supermarket and have them delivered to your artist of choice.

The model is very simplistic and I am sure it will gain wide acceptance among those in the music industry.

Muffins for Music Payment Model Overview:

One song = One muffin
One album = Baker’s dozen*

Choc-chip muffin

Pictured: A choc-chip muffin, an all-round muso favourite.

Simple isn’t it? Artists will be able to nominate their preferred type of muffin on their website: double choc chip, cinnamon-apple, banana-chip, bubblegum-crack, whatever takes their fancy.

Artists will no longer go hungry, and the tax on muffins will be very minimal. Buskers who usually play music to earn money for food will be extremely satisfied by the model. It will truly be a revolution for the homeless who can learn a simple cover song and be fed for the entire night.

Popular artists who feature in the Top 40 charts will be the real winners. They will receive truckloads of muffins when they receive massive airplay on the radio. They will be able to feed thousands of family and friends from the muffins they receive alone. They can now save starving people all over the world directly with their muffins.

Their publicists will need to review their PR efforts to ensure they either slowly promote their key singles, or plan a significant effort to freeze some of their muffin donations for future consumption.

Touring artists will need to prepare to accept muffins at the merchandise desk in exchange for cool threads.

No more will you need to book tickets to see your favourite musicians perform live. Just queue up outside the venue on the day with a basket of kindly prepared (or store-bought) muffins. Those with the prettiest looking muffins will be allocated with seats in the front row.

It really is a win-win model for all involved.

In time we will look back and laugh why we never thought of the Muffins for Music Payment Model earlier.

* That’s 13 muffins for those of you who are idiots.

Further Exploration:

Previously on Sampling Station:

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About noisynoodle

I am a noisy noodle hailing from Melbourne, Australia who loves listening to noise in all forms, but preferably in music, TV and film. I’ve moonlighted on community radio at SYN-FM many years ago when I was still a “youth”. My mission is to promote live music (get off your bum and see something!), highlight interesting TV shows that are ignored by the ratings, expose some cool films and to not go deaf trying!

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